Happy Birthday Dad, You Jerk!

I realize I didnt finish my "Birthdays" blogs, but ... well, I got busy. The three other birthdays I was going to mention were wonderful ... all thanks to my ex-husband -- really. He probably gave me three of the best birthday memories and I truly thank him for them ... and cherish them. I will write about them later because he deserves credit for a job (or jobs) well-done!
Todays blog is "for" my father, however. Today my dad, Lloyd Robert Anderson, turns 76. I am so happy he survived todays apocalypse. If I actually had a relationship with my dad I would gladly have spent a wonderful day with him. Instead, I must share a disappointing story of our relationship.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. I spent decades seeking my dads approval and never gained it. It was during my intense divorce from my ex about 8 years ago that I realized my father was not worthy of gaining approval. I believe he is now divorced, or at least separated from the wonderful woman he married when I was 8. Barbara never attended any of my divorce proceedings, but my dad was there -- to support my then husband.
During the trial I was under fire for three days for being a bad mother. My husband was seeking full custody, as was I. All of his "witnesses" with the exception of one (a mutual friend named Sandy) said nothing but negative things about me. My father was on my Husbands side. Prior to the hearing, my father went so far as insisting that my brother-in-law be on Pauls side.
My brother-in-law, Mark, sided with me. As a result -- my dad decided to not only disown me, but also Mark and my sister. Even now, my dad sometimes sends birthday cards for my nieces and nephew to my brother-in-laws parents home ... to avoid "true contact" with my sister and her family.
During the trial, which again lasted three days, my father consistently stood in the witness stand claiming I was a troubled child. "When she was 19 I had to buy her a couch."
Never mind that I was living on my own and had a job. Never mind that my stepsister who was only 5 months older than me lived with him rent free (until she was out of college and had saved enough money to buy her own home.) Never mind that I am YOUR FREAKING daughter and buying me a $150 hide-a-bed shouldnt be a SORE SPOT in your life!!!
At one point during the trial he actually stood up in the court room and demanded the judge charge my mother with perjury because she claimed he only paid child support until I was 18.
EXCUSE ME! This is about MY marriage. It is about the custody of my children. My dad was UNBELIEVABLE!
Still, in the midst of it all (while my sister was fuming and tensions were flaring in the hallways) I walked up to my dad during a break and gave him a hug. " I love you and you have to do what you feel is right..." is what I said to him.
I won custody of my children. At the end of of the trial, the judge literally shamed my ex for asking my dad to side with him. She went on to say ... "and Mr Anderson, if you are in the courtroom today, by my calculations your daughter will be 36 this year, and it's time to get over it!" AMEN!
Before my divorce I would see my dad maybe four times a year. Birthdays and some holidays. How he gained such a strong connection with my ex I will never know. My dad admitted to me before the trial that he hated it when I would come to visit me. When I went to his house (on steel lake) to go fishing with him on Fathers day, he hated it. I was married for a brief period prior to marrying Paul and when I divorced that man ... my dad met with me and told me.
"You know, Terry is the best thing that ever happened to Sharon. He knows how to handle her."
Sharon is my step-sister that my dad adopted and "allowed" to live with him for years.
Prior to my divorce trial (and Mark refusing to testify on Pauls behalf,) my dad said to my sister ... his other Blood daughter ... "You're lucky that Mark married you."
My dad ... is a complete and total ... ASS.
It is difficult to stay grounded in a situation like this ... but my ex still invites my dad to both of MY childrens birthday parties. When he visits with my kids, he alienates my daughter and pays more attention to my son. My dad sends monetary gifts to my children AND my ex's children (from his current wife) every year. Last christmas he gave $100 to my son, $50 to MY daughter and & $100 to my ex's 2 year old -- that has absolutely no relationship to him whatsoever.
When my grandma passed away last year, my dad didnt let either my sister or I know. We found out from a cousin.
There is always forgiveness in my heart and I will always love my dad. I just dont understand.
The love that I have for my children is immeasurable. I could never -- ever -- cut them off or side with a stranger over them. Blood is blood, family is family ... and your children are FOREVER.
Happy Birthday Dad ... I wish you peace someday. I wish you enlightenment. I wish you can someday understand how truly wonderful life is and how much more meaningful it is with family.