Happy Fathers Day ... to those really great dads

If you read my "Happy Birthday Dad ..." blog, you know that I shant be contacting MY father to wish him a happy day. Just because I dont call him or send him a card or "contact him" in any other way (because he sure as heck isnt going to read my blog) it doesnt mean I wont be thinking of him and/or wishing him "well." Despite the fact that he is a jerk for not loving and wanting to be a part of a great family, he is my Dad. I have to "love" him. I do "love" him. He was a part of bringing me into this world -- and I thank him for that. I also still wish that he find "inner peace." Maybe I should send him a ticket to Kung-fu Panda II. Anonymously of course --- he'd just throw anything away I mailed to him without opening it. He wouldnt get the movie anyway ... no sense of humor and NO room for revelations.
I would like to send my well wishes out to some other important dads in my life. First, Paul, the father of our two kids. Without him, Flynn and Shelby would not be a part of my life. Although he has a second family with two more kids, he is a good dad for Flynn and Shelby. Our parenting skills, lifestyles and personalities are different enough to give our kids an amazing look at life. I must say I wish Paul would include them more in his "new" family (He has a HUGE picture of just his new family that greets you as you enter his home -- which I think is a bit morbid and confusing --- sending the message to his first two kids that they dont "belong" in his home.) and according to Flynn and SHelby rules are different for them in his house than they are for the new little ones. I dont get that either. BUT ... Paul has helped me out immensely in the past several years ... after we have divorced. He has given our kids many opportunities that others would not have, as well as opportunities that I can not give. Together, we are teaching our children well ... and it shows!
The next Dads I wish to recognize are Mark and his dad Gus. Two more wonderul men in my life that deserve recognition for "jobs well done!" They are the ultimate dads ... they tinker, they work, they parent and they love. Their relationships with their kids are strong and unbreakable.
The final dad I shall honor is Bennett. A second dad to my kids, he has been a part of Flynn and Shelby's lives for more than half of their lives. He has been soccer dad, rock-band dad, pick-em up, drop em off -- you name it dad. He rarely misses a band concert and last year when I couldnt go because of work, he took them to each of their soccer matches. He has his own two grown children and doesnt HAVE to be a part of this second family like he does, but we are all very glad he does. Flynn and Shelby love him very much and so do I. Thank you for continuing to be a part of this familys life!
So ... that's all for now! To all the dads out there ... you have a tough job. Some of you do it better than others but ALL of you have accomplished what I believe is truly the #1 reason for being alive ... and that is creating life. For those that have chosen not to be dads or moms (whether you've actually created life or not ...) It is a shame. Being a parent is a blessing and the absolute best part of life!

Happy 50th Birthday, My Wonderful Brother-in-law!

Yesterday we celebrated my Brother-in-law, Mark's, 50th Birthday. Mark has been a part of my life since I was 17. He is a totally, completely, honestly wonderful man. As my dad once said to my sister -- even though he meant it as an insult to her -- She was lucky Mark married her. Although luck had nothing to do with it ... it was indeed a blessing to find a man like Mark.
It is so hard to believe that he has been a part of our family for over 28 years!
Yes, my sister and he have their arguments and no, he certainly isnt happy with some of the decisions I have made, but ... I trust him completely & I love him unconditionally. He is the brother I never had. He is funny, smart, and down-to earth. My sister truly is "lucky to have a man like Mark." Not because she is undeserving ... but because it is hard to find ANY individual that truly loves you for who you are, accentuates who you are, encourages you to be who you are ... and ... allows you to become what you are ultimately supposed to be!
The first year he met me, I was 17 and had a stage 3 Ovarian cancerous growth. He was in a lip sync group with two of his friends, Scott and Dave. They were called the three boys funk (I think!?) and played primarily rick james, grand master flash, and "funk" music! After my surgery, the three of them gave me a tee-shirt that read "token white girl." which I proudly wore everywhere. I remember going to a post surgery doctors appointment wearing it and my mother was trying to cover me up in the elevator.
Quite funny. Even today, Mark LOVES funk music. I often smile and burst into rap "dont push me, cuz I'm close to the --- edge -- I'm trying not to lose my head huh huh huh huh ... "
He was also there for me during my quite nasty divorce several years ago. When my own father decided to stand AGAINST me, Mark proudly sat and testified on my behalf, stating he had known me for nearly two decades and he believed I was a good mother and a decent human being.
Marks family is just as lovely as he is. The entire Suryan family is a joy to be around and a part of. My sister is not the only "lucky one." I am lucky, my mom is lucky and so are both of my kids. Flynn and Shelby have THE best uncle on the planet and I have the best brother-in-law on the planet. Thank you for marrying my sister Marky-poo. I love you dearly ...
HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY! Please stick around for a while longer, will ya?

Happy Birthday Dad, You Jerk!

I realize I didnt finish my "Birthdays" blogs, but ... well, I got busy. The three other birthdays I was going to mention were wonderful ... all thanks to my ex-husband -- really. He probably gave me three of the best birthday memories and I truly thank him for them ... and cherish them. I will write about them later because he deserves credit for a job (or jobs) well-done!
Todays blog is "for" my father, however. Today my dad, Lloyd Robert Anderson, turns 76. I am so happy he survived todays apocalypse. If I actually had a relationship with my dad I would gladly have spent a wonderful day with him. Instead, I must share a disappointing story of our relationship.
My mom and dad divorced when I was 5. I spent decades seeking my dads approval and never gained it. It was during my intense divorce from my ex about 8 years ago that I realized my father was not worthy of gaining approval. I believe he is now divorced, or at least separated from the wonderful woman he married when I was 8. Barbara never attended any of my divorce proceedings, but my dad was there -- to support my then husband.
During the trial I was under fire for three days for being a bad mother. My husband was seeking full custody, as was I. All of his "witnesses" with the exception of one (a mutual friend named Sandy) said nothing but negative things about me. My father was on my Husbands side. Prior to the hearing, my father went so far as insisting that my brother-in-law be on Pauls side.
My brother-in-law, Mark, sided with me. As a result -- my dad decided to not only disown me, but also Mark and my sister. Even now, my dad sometimes sends birthday cards for my nieces and nephew to my brother-in-laws parents home ... to avoid "true contact" with my sister and her family.
During the trial, which again lasted three days, my father consistently stood in the witness stand claiming I was a troubled child. "When she was 19 I had to buy her a couch."
Never mind that I was living on my own and had a job. Never mind that my stepsister who was only 5 months older than me lived with him rent free (until she was out of college and had saved enough money to buy her own home.) Never mind that I am YOUR FREAKING daughter and buying me a $150 hide-a-bed shouldnt be a SORE SPOT in your life!!!
At one point during the trial he actually stood up in the court room and demanded the judge charge my mother with perjury because she claimed he only paid child support until I was 18.
EXCUSE ME! This is about MY marriage. It is about the custody of my children. My dad was UNBELIEVABLE!
Still, in the midst of it all (while my sister was fuming and tensions were flaring in the hallways) I walked up to my dad during a break and gave him a hug. " I love you and you have to do what you feel is right..." is what I said to him.
I won custody of my children. At the end of of the trial, the judge literally shamed my ex for asking my dad to side with him. She went on to say ... "and Mr Anderson, if you are in the courtroom today, by my calculations your daughter will be 36 this year, and it's time to get over it!" AMEN!
Before my divorce I would see my dad maybe four times a year. Birthdays and some holidays. How he gained such a strong connection with my ex I will never know. My dad admitted to me before the trial that he hated it when I would come to visit me. When I went to his house (on steel lake) to go fishing with him on Fathers day, he hated it. I was married for a brief period prior to marrying Paul and when I divorced that man ... my dad met with me and told me.
"You know, Terry is the best thing that ever happened to Sharon. He knows how to handle her."
Sharon is my step-sister that my dad adopted and "allowed" to live with him for years.
Prior to my divorce trial (and Mark refusing to testify on Pauls behalf,) my dad said to my sister ... his other Blood daughter ... "You're lucky that Mark married you."
My dad ... is a complete and total ... ASS.
It is difficult to stay grounded in a situation like this ... but my ex still invites my dad to both of MY childrens birthday parties. When he visits with my kids, he alienates my daughter and pays more attention to my son. My dad sends monetary gifts to my children AND my ex's children (from his current wife) every year. Last christmas he gave $100 to my son, $50 to MY daughter and & $100 to my ex's 2 year old -- that has absolutely no relationship to him whatsoever.
When my grandma passed away last year, my dad didnt let either my sister or I know. We found out from a cousin.
There is always forgiveness in my heart and I will always love my dad. I just dont understand.
The love that I have for my children is immeasurable. I could never -- ever -- cut them off or side with a stranger over them. Blood is blood, family is family ... and your children are FOREVER.
Happy Birthday Dad ... I wish you peace someday. I wish you enlightenment. I wish you can someday understand how truly wonderful life is and how much more meaningful it is with family.

birthdays past - part 3

The next birthday I remember was either my 23rd or 24th. It is only the birthday cake and song part that I will share, cuz its all I remember. It was at my moms place in Bellevue. My sister, Brother-in-law, My eldest niece (who was only 2 or 3) My Fiance and his brother, and of course my mom, were all there. The cake was brought out and they all started singing happy birthday. My niece was seated to my right and of course she was anxious to help with the candles.
Chorus complete, time to blow them out. I bent over the cake and my hair ignited. I shook my head then flapped at the flaming locks with both of my hands. Everyone in the room stood there and laughed!!! Hellllloooo ... I am on fire here!?!? These were the days when Americas funniest videos was just starting out. Of course NO ONE was taping it. I am sure I would have won the $10K. Nothing funnier than someones hair being on fire. Actually, my niece wasnt laughing ... her poor little eyebrows were singed.

birthdays past - part 2

When I was 13 my mom got remarried and I had to move to Bellevue. To celebrate my 14th birthday I still invited friends from my old school, Sylvester jr High. I know there were others, but I can only remember Sara Hall and Leslie Rueschenberg being there. I cant even remember if my best friend, Kris, was there ... or Rikke for that matter! My Sister was a cheerleader at Highline highschool and she had a basketball game to perform at. My mom and Step-dad went to the game and left us girls .
Perhaps this is when I should have changed names to "protect the innocent" but let's face it ... it was -- Oh dear lord -- over 30 years ago. I think people can get over it or forgive us.
I decided it would be a great idea to have a few drinks. I went to the bar upstairs and grabbed the seagrams and a bottle of vodka. I had some seven up and knew, from watching my grandma, that seagrams and seven was a good mix. I made drinks for all of us. I made stouffers pepperoni pizza and drank ... and drank ... and drank. I remember at one point Leslie was grossed out at the taste of Seagrams and I handed her a glass of what I thought was water ... but it was vodka. She took a big ole gulp of it and almost gagged! I was such a great influence on people. Poor Leslie was such a GOOD girl. I must say, in addition to Alcohol, however -- I was responsible for getting her into modeling. She was (and still is) a natural beauty. When we were in seventh grade I was taking modeling courses. I always encouraged her to get into it ... and she did!
Anyway, I woke up the next morning alone in a sleeping bag in my room. I went upstairs to find my friends and all of them were pretty darn quiet! It seems that I blacked out. My Mom got home to find my friends mouths opened but lack of words. I have NO idea what occurred or what my friends did ... none of us ever spoke of it afterwords! My mother has told the story on multiple occassions. To say that she arrived home to find me out of my mind. She said she threw me in the shower and watched me try to climb the walls to get out, screaming throughout the whole thing. Yep, this was a memorable birthday -- although I dont remember much. All I know is that to this day I DO NOT drink brown liquor OR eat stouffers pizza. In fact, I get queasy just thinking about the smell of seagrams. Yeuk!!!
The next birthday I remember is my 16th. I had my first "real" boyfriend ... if you know what I mean ... His name was Denny Jay DeRosia. He brought me live planted pink flowers and a little stuffed animal. We drove in his white and orange ford Pinto to Black Angus in Bellevue for lunch and I am pretty sure we went to a movie afterwards. Black Angus is actually what I remember about the birthday the most. Honestly, I cant remember if we got stoned before going or not ... all I remember is getting lost inside the restaurant! It was so hysterically funny then ... and now, thinking about it. EVERYONE who has been to a black angus restaurant knows that it is a pitch black little maze. All of the tables are dark and private. I totally loved Black Angus. Such a red-neck restaurant really. Anyway, when we got up to leave Denny was leading the way. He kept going in circles and I started laughing. I mean seriously, it is so dark in those restaurants they should give miners hats with lights on them or lit batons He was not as amused as I was and it sort of put a damper on the rest of the date ... but I will still remember it as one of my favorite or at least more memorable birthdays.

Memories of Birthdays Past - part 1

Because I waited until the day after I turned 45, I can now include it in my memories of birthdays past. For the last year, I was certain I wouldnt make it to my 45th birthday. I
kept thinking the astrologist I saw at the age of 15 must have been wrong when he said I would live to the age of 88. I thought, maybe I am only going to live half as long! I waited the entire year to die at the age of 44. Of course, the year I turned 38 I thought maybe he got the numbers mixed up and read the 3 as an 8 ... and that I was going to die THEN! My ex husband called me "Mrs Gloom and Doom." I suppose he was right. My next mile stone to worry about is 58. 5's can be mis-read as 8's as well...
In the meantime, lets take a look at some of my prior birthdays. I wish I could remember more of them.
The photo of me here is from my 45th. I only weigh 120 ... and my boobs look like they weigh that much in this picture!
The day before my 45th birthday was quite eventful. My mom drove herself to work after being ill all weekend. She called me to say that she was going to take a cab to the doctor. I couldnt take her but I told her I could pick her up and asked her to keep me informed. About a half an hour later I tried to reach her to let her know I COULD take her ... but she had apparently already left her office ... and she wasnt answering her cel phone. Both one of her friends and I tried to locate her for the next several hours. We gave up and went to have a drink at the Royal Arms on Capital hill. At ten minutes after 5PM, my mom called. I could barely understand what she was saying ... she sounded completely drunk. She wasn't. I drove to her doctors office, which is apparently where she was for the last 5 hours. I had tried to call Dr Smiths office twice and both times I was placed on hold for more than 5 minutes and then disconnected. I parked my car in the pac-med parking garage and proceeded to the 3rd floor. When the elevator doors opened there were no signs of life other than one woman entering the other bank of elevators. She kindly asked if I were looking for someone/something and then said that ALL of the offices were closed but I could try to get into one of the back doors down the hall. I went down a long corridor, turned right and went down another corridor, tried door handles and knocked ... to no good.
Cursing, I turned back around and started back toward the elevators. After rounding the corner, there she was ... my mom, "wall-walking" down the long vacant hallway. The first thing she said to me was "I need to get some paper towels."
I will write more on this little adventure some other time ... but the excitement didnt stop there.
Again, this was the day before my 45th. Also on that day, I took a header, or really a butt-er whilst walking down a hill to my car. I totally slipped and landed on my arm ... and ass. The day OF my birthday I was in massive pain, total body pain. I got a massage, which I think made matters worse and a manicure and pedicure. I picked the kids up from school and we went out for dinner at the Icon grill. This birthday felt particularly significant for some reason. I was emotional and teary all day long. I FELT old all day and I spent most of the day thinking about what had happened the day before AND my past birthdays and the people I spent them with.
This is going to be a really LONG post if I dont separate some of them. My next "birthdays" post will be about my 14th birthday ... fun and drinking in Bellevue!

Excuse me Mom, but you are wrong

Okay, I have to write a quick note here prior to my birthdays blog to, as my mother would say, "set the record straight" ... because I am tired of my mom accusing me of writing nothing but bad things about her on my blog(s.) Last night at my birthday dinner (which my mother treated Flynn, Shelby and I to at Icon) I mentioned I was eager to get home and write about birthdays past. My mom was quick to say "are you going to write something nasty about me again?" A few times now she has said she doesnt like reading my blogs because I always say bad things about her in them. I have defended her every time telling her that it simply isnt true! First of all, under this blog, "shannons seattle" I have not EVER written ANYTHING about my mom ... at all. Good Bad or indifferent.
You can search every blog I've written and there isnt any mention. The only other blog I have is called "living with mom." I have written ONE time and the only thing I said was that it was not easy living with her. It is a factual statement ... it wasnt mean. It's not easy living with ANYONE!
Apparently she has not read any of my blogs but the first one ... written under the other blog living with mom ... and apparently she is oversensitive. I LOVE YOU MOM. I am sorry you have such strong feelings about that ONE thing I said about it not being easy to live with you. I am very grateful to be able to live with you, regardless of how much fun or torture it can be ... for either of us. But please, stop telling me that I am writing nasty things about you. Perhaps you are more offended that I have not written anything specifically "Nice" about you?
My blogs are for sharing my feelings, beliefs, and memories. As I originally wrote, I was concerned that some peoples feelings may be hurt and/or others would get mad at me. I like to write and I have the right ... Just as everyone that reads my blog has the right to write a response/comment.
So ... that being said, I am now going to re-visit birthdays ... starting with the most recent ... which does include my mom!